November 2010
1 post
268
Don’t mistake someone having internet access for someone worth listening to. They don’t often overlap.
July 2010
1 post
267
Make a habit of resurrecting long-dead web entities in an effort to stave off boredom.
December 2009
3 posts
1 tag
265
No one owes you anything.
1 tag
264
Sit up straight. You are an adult; look like one in public.
1 tag
264
Any ambition that doesn’t ultimately terminate on helping people is vain conceit and selfish living.
August 2009
1 post
1 tag
263
The international airport terminal is like all the people-watching amazingness you’ve ever experienced…times a billion.
June 2009
2 posts
1 tag
262
When planning, measure road trips in miles, not in how long they took you to drive in college (when you thought of speed limits as suggestions for old people.)
1 tag
261
The size of your collection of screenprinted t-shirts should be roughly proportional to your ability to grow hair on your head.
May 2009
2 posts
1 tag
260
Phlebotomy is a fun word to say. Just try it. Phhhhllleeeebotomy. It really rolls off the veins.
1 tag
259
Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead.
April 2009
1 post
1 tag
258
Summer evenings spent outdoors are lovely, but bring with them the welcome relaxation vs. being willing mosquito food conundrum.
December 2008
1 post
1 tag
257
Flying under the influence of breakfast burrito is to be avoided.
September 2008
1 post
1 tag
257
Do not, under any circumstances, feel obligated to follow, friend or otherwise entertain people on various social web applications and sites simply because you know them. If they don’t add considerable value/wisdom/laughter to your day, e-ditch ‘em without a wince.
August 2008
3 posts
1 tag
256
When the Internet is boring, stop relentlessly refreshing RSS feeds and make something, dammit.
1 tag
255
Three day, two night beach vacations are about 24 hours away from absolute bi-monthly perfection. Book accordingly.
1 tag
254
Find an anonymous wealthy benefactor. Stat.
July 2008
3 posts
1 tag
253
Next time you lament how hard it is to market a client’s poorly-named product, be glad you weren’t tasked with the Witch Hazel campaign.
1 tag
252
The innate goodness of banana pudding is best experienced on the third day. Skin on top is thus inevitable and welcome.
1 tag
251
Heirloom beans pack an ancient whallop.
May 2008
4 posts
1 tag
250
Procure, learn to operate, and frequently use a gaudily-painted sea plane (for profit.)
1 tag
249
Find ways to work the word “pendragon” into conversation everyday, preferably in context.
1 tag
248
Try the veal.
1 tag
247
Begin using misleading monikers and handles in all interwebnet communication, just for the sake of variety.
April 2008
245 posts
1 tag
246
In order to maintain a consistent integrity in the realm of arriving at work on time, only one member of the household is allowed to consume NyQuil® prior to going to bed.
1 tag
245
It’s a long way to the top (if you wanna rock ‘n roll)
1 tag
244
Contemplate the simultaneous learning of unicycling and minor levitation.
1 tag
243
Wear more gray. Or grey.
1 tag
242
Welcome to adulthood, Hertz Rental Car Club Gold cardholder! (You may cut out and carry the card for your convenience.)
1 tag
241
Your summer soundtrack will predominantly consist of My Morning Jacket, Kings of Leon, Ray LaMontagne, and D’Angelo. iPod it up.
1 tag
240
Stop giving Subway a chance. They don’t deserve it.
1 tag
239
The night time is not always the right time. Sometimes it is the left time. Unless you’re dyslexic.
1 tag
238
Don’t be surprised if the fountain of youth turns out to be full of Martineli’s Apple Juice. Old Ponce de León loved him some AJ.
1 tag
236
Build a two-seater helicopter for aviation-minded lotharios and dub it “the rotator.”
1 tag
237
Look into this whole China Thing.
1 tag
235
Boycott any publication that relies heavily on punny article titles.
1 tag
234
22375 songs, 75.2 days, 126.89 GB is not nearly enough.
1 tag
233
1:00pm lunch meetings are hereby banned by order of your growling tummy.
1 tag
232
Now that you’re sufficiently pissed at yourself, start really digging your way out of the debthole you made for yourself. Also, trademark the term “debthole.”
1 tag
230
Code up a site just to display all the goofy photos you take with PhotoBooth. Especially the ones where you look like a wolverine-esque freakshow.
1 tag
231
Meet the Quaker Oats man.
1 tag
228
Never allow your wife to go out of town without you again. If need be, recall the lonely solo fetal position sleeping you endured, or how happy you were just to discover that her closet smells like her and therefor becomes a place of solace and refuge in an otherwise cold and empty home.
1 tag
229
Despite their current comeback attempts, do not give in to the fashion plague that is skinny jeans.
1 tag
225
Quit corporate America because the paycheck just isn’t worth the drama. Go teach drama. Realize that all jobs lack merit, no matter the scale or locale. Have the epiphany that they pay you because working is an inconvenience. Get a better paying job.
1 tag
226
Find the guy doing all the raindances and tell him to LAY OFF.
1 tag
227
Build a content management system for this website so you don’t forget it exists.
1 tag
224
Make an effort to keep a pair of gloves in the glovebox, if only for sentimental reasons.
1 tag
223
Record the sound of the shutter on your Polaroid SX-70. Set it as your ringtone, as it makes you smile every time you hear it (and costs slightly less than the $1-per-click price of a actually taking a photo.)
1 tag
222
Look into this whole Stumble Upon phenomenon and the ensuing web traffic it sends your way.
1 tag
220
Convince a world-renowned photographer to shoot your wedding. Begging, pleading, bribing, and/or kidnapping are all viable means of accomplishing said goal.
1 tag
221
Brainstorm activites, speeches, practical jokes, animal costumes, etc. that may be appropriate for your last few days of work “for the man.”